The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®



How to Be Annoying

  • Follow a few paces behind someone spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
  • Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your co-workers.
  • Leave the copy machine set to reduce to200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies. (This is downright mean.)
  • Go to a poetry recital and complain loudly that the poems don’t rhyme.
  • Select the same song on a juke box 50 times. Do you even know what a juke box is?)
  • Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the TV screen.
  • Speak only in a “robot” voice.
  • Push all flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  • Stomp on little plastic packets of ketchup.
  • Forget the punch line to a long joke but assure the listener it was a real hoot.
  • Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  • Signal that conversations are over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  • Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  • Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies.
  • As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Stand over someone’s shoulder mumbling as they read.
  • While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  • Change your name to “John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book, claiming it’s an Hiwaian name and demand that people pronounce each “a.”
  • Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your superior mental processing.
  • Stare at static on the TV claiming you can see a “magic” picture.
  • Construct elaborate crop circles in your front lawn.