The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®



Cat Humor

  • Two robins stuffed themselves with worms until they were too fat to fly. Since the birds couldn’t go anywhere, they decided just to sit and soak up the sun. Along came a cat, and it ate them. Meooow!”

  • A young boy felt bad after he accidentally let the neighbor’s cat get loose. After two weeks, the missing cat seemed to be gone for good. “I’m very sorry,” the boy told the neighbor. “I’d like to replace it for you.”

“O.K.,” the neighbor said. “How good are you at catching mice?”

  • A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cat sitting next to him. “Are you a cat?” asked the man, surprised.

“Yes,” the cat replied.

“What are you doing at the movies??” the man asked.

“Well,” said the cat. “I liked the book.”

  • Success Tip: Be the person your dog thinks you are – not the person your cat thinks you are.

Quotes on Cats:

  • “There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.” – Albert Schweitzer
  • “Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.” – Christopher Hitchens
  • “It is impossible for a lover of cats to banish these alert, gentle, and discriminating friends, who give us just enough of their regard and complaisance to make us hunger for more.” – Agnes Repplier
  • “How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven.” – Robert A. Heinlein
  • “A cat will never be your friend, but it will make a darling apathetic roommate.”
  • “If your cat could text you back, it wouldn’t bother.”